First Impressions
by Bleeping Bloop
Summary: People always say first impressions are most important when meeting new people. So what was Hidan's first impression of Deidara? Oneshot. Everyone was thinking it, but nobody has written it.


It is a wonderfully perfect day in the land of shinobi. The sun is shining bright, the flowers were happily blooming, and Kakuzu only made two attempts on Hidan's life. It seems one could say Kakuzu was in a rather gleeful mood. In fact, both Hidan and Kakuzu are in a rather ebullient mood. Sasori had a fresh bounty that was worth at least eighty million for Kakuzu. Not being one to forget, he also brought along a present for Hidan in the form of a new partner who Sasori said reminded him a lot of Hidan. Cocky, aggressive, insane (but this is a common trait shared among all Akatsuki members), prone to yaoi pairings (once again) and had a very unique way of speaking, were just a few traits shared by Akatsuki's newest members. Hidan has been blabbing for the past hour about how excited he was to meet the new kid and finally make a friend with someone his age who wasn't the creepy bastard Itachi. Yes, even a talking head is terrified by the silent weasel. When Hidan saw the red head in his creepy ass puppet standing next to a smokin' blonde, he got even more excited.

"This is Deidara," Sasori monotony stated, making a hunch over towards the skinny blonde who flipped their silky hair in return, and finished straighting out their cloak. Deidara flashed a warm smile and bowed slightly, hiding his hands behind his back.

"Hidan," Hidan stated giving the blondie a scan with his wondering eyes. "Pein sure knows how to pick 'em. Just my type, eh Kakuzu?" Hidan nudged Kakuzu a little in the ribs, who threw an angry fist his way. Hidan narrowly dodged, smirking at his mad skills. A even faster punch to the ribs wiped that smirk clean off. Sasori dropped his puppet's tail and a dead man rolled off. Kakuzu walked over to Sasori and discussed the bounty he collected.

"I don't swing that way," Deidara replied calmly but brushed the remark past him, he's always considered himself open-minded towards others. "I heard we had a lot in common. Although, looking at you I would say you wouldn't know the first thing about art, un."

"Well," Hidan said, eyes shining bright, "I must cuz I'm looking a fucking beautiful piece right now." Sasori and Kakuzu simultaneously face-palmer at Hidan's pick up line. Hidan, on the other hand, wore the biggest smile, amazed at the brilliant words that escaped his lips. "What do you say Dei-chan? Let's ditch these heathens and go," Hidan paused, pulling Deidara's head closer, leaning in close to his ear. "Some place a little more private."

Now, Sasori didn't know his partner enough to tell you his whole life story or even call him a friend, but the sound of saliva mixing with fresh clay brought very vivid images to mind. Very disturbing images. _So many puppets lost_ Sasori thought running as far and as fast as earthly possible in a giant puppet. Kakuzu, on the other hand, has known Sasori long enough that when he drops the whole "emotionless puppet" act and displays a strong, or any, emotion that something was about to go wrong. Very, very wrong. Kakuzu proceeded to follow him, not forgetting to drag the bounty behind his back.

"Well," Hidan said amused. "They already left us alone. What do you say we get this heavy cloak off your feminine shoulders and see what's underneath?" Hidan slowly started to unbutton Deidara's cloak. Deidara held a drooling hand up to Hidan's face, which made him stop undressing Deidara and smirk. "Fuck yeah. I know some crazy shit we can do with that tongue. One time me and this chick," A white creature wrapped itself around Hidan, stunning him. "Oh! You're into bondage too! Sasori was right, I love me some kinky bitches!"

"I'm a boy, un," Deidara angrily stated raising two fingers to his face and muttering "katsu."

By the time Kakuzu collected all of Hidan, granted it needed to wait a bit for him to cash his bounty and run a few errands, Sasori and Deidara were long gone.  
"You're an idiot," Kakuzu said, stitching Hidan up once again. "Couldn't you tell by _his_ voice that Deidara is a _man_. Even the name should have been a dead give away. God forbid you stop to think about something."  
"Not my fault! Those crazy bitches lead me on!"

* * *

**Disclaimer of wonder and joy:**

Hidan says, "This story makes me look fucking gay. I thought he was a chick. Can't blame me, you know you did to! Also, this fucker owns nothing!"

"Because if they did," Kakuzu chimed in, "They would be very rich, probably having a high bounty on their head, maybe pay for some good body guards."

"Not to mention," Sasori said, "_Some_ of us would still be alive."

"Sucks for you," Hidan teased, sticking his tongue out. Sasori muttered something along the lines of at least I'm not hitting on men.

"The author couldn't think of something witty for me to say, un" Deidara pouted, crossing his arms.

"Well I guess that could be considered witty," Sasori thought.

"No," Kakuzu stated. "It was stupid and nobody with half a brain would laugh at that."

"Haha! This godless fucker is mad funny," Hidan snickered, right on cue.

"Lawl," Psychoticmemory laughs. "I've always wanted to do a disclaimer like this. Hope you liked my little story. Bye!"

"You forgot to say anonymous reviews are on, un," Deidara remembered.

"No," Psychoticmemory screamed. "I don't want to review beg!"

"Too late," Kakuzu coldly said.

"Fine, review it if you must," Psychoticmemory whined. "But I'm not begging!"


End file.
